Scatter shooting a bit about Steve Lowery, Phil Mickelson and Pat Perez vs. Tiger Woods. Let’s start with kudos for Steve Lowery for his win at Pebble Beach. At 48 years old and a hefty 225 pounds, this Alabama boy has a total of three wins on Tour, interestingly all by playoff. How’s that for magic? Forget about those wags that say Vijay Singh gave it away. Look at Steve’s birdie on the first playoff hole and consider that anyone who can do that in the face of all that pressure deserves to win.
An old football coach had some wisdom on “should have, could have” season records. “You are what you are,” he said. Golf is the same way. It doesn’t matter that you got a bad break, or on any other day you might beat the @#@* out of your challenger. The game is all about the here and now. And this here and now belonged to Steve Lowery. To hell with the Atkins diet, pass the mashed potatoes and hold my chocolate malt while I give Steve a standing ovation.
One of the other highlights, or perhaps lowlights of the AT& T was Phil Mickelson’s 11 on the par 5 fourteenth hole in the 3rd round. I mention this only to encourage the rest of us when we card that 8 on our own par 5 nightmares. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I want to celebrate Phil’s misfortune, but it’s nice to know that most of us could have kicked his butt on that hole. Of course we would have pressed the bet and lost our shirt on the next hole, but that’s another story.
Next week is the World Golf Championships-Accenture Match Play Championship and as of this moment Pat Perez has the final 64th spot in the tournament. This is a good news, bad news, good news story. The good news is Pat is in the tournament and therefore gets to strut around the locker room with the big boys. The bad news is that number 64 has to play number 1 and the last time I looked that was a guy named Tiger. However, the final good news is that last place pays $40,000.
I’m not suggesting that Pat has no chance. However, I am suggesting that Pat may need a little mojo to advance.
Mojo aside, this past week was the final week to become eligible for the 64-man field, and Pat shot a 72 to tie for 24th, and unbeknown to him earn just enough ranking points to improve one spot to No. 65. And, since Ernie Els has said he would not play, tag, you’re it, Mr. Perez.
Although the final, final field is not set until 5:00 p.m. Monday of the tournament, Pat’s opponent seems assured. If anyone withdraws after that, his opponent gets a pass to the second round.
And as if he didn’t already have enough pressure, Pat has never played in the World Golf Championship, and he hasn’t competed in match play since he was a junior at Arizona State. Even when told by friend and foe alike that anything can happen over 18 holes that didn't seem to brighten his optimism all that much. "If I'm playing Tiger, anything would need to happen," Perez said. "I don't think he's going to be too worried about anybody he plays."
Without question Pat has a major hill to climb, but all is not lost. After all, Woods has only won the Accenture Match Play twice, and was eliminated in the third round last year.
Frankly, I like Pat’s approach. "It’s a free show for me, watching him play," he said. "Unbelievable, this guy. I can't lose either way. If I beat him, I'm a hero. If I don't, I'm not supposed to win. If I beat him, I may quit, just pack in it. If anybody asks, 'When was the last time you played? Aw, I beat Tiger. I'm done.'"
Stay tuned because sometime the magic does work, just ask Steve Lowery.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
If You Don’t Like Pebble Beach You Don’t Like Golf
AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am is one of golf’s great events. Pros and amateurs alike compete on three of the most beautiful golf courses in the world: Spyglass Hill, Poppy Hills and of course Pebble Beach. These should be on everyone’s list of places to play before you die. It was originally known as Bing Crosby’s clambake, or simply The Crosby, and an invitation to Bing’s party was on everybody’s wish list.
From its earliest days in 1947, the tournament has been known for three things: great golf, celebrities, and unpredictable weather. The rain and winds that often visit the tournament are as much a part of the championship's character as the competition they often interrupt.
However, no one expected the cause of the final round's delay in 1962: Snow. It was the first time in 40 years it had snowed on the Monterey Peninsula, prompting golf pro Jimmy Demeret to make the famous remark, "I know I got loaded last night, but how did I end up in Squaw Valley?”
Some of the more memorable happenings at the tournament include Sam Snead’s request for a new partner when Roger Kelly, an amateur and terrible drinker, got sick in the bushes beside the 1st tee. Snead demanded, but was denied, a new partner. The Snead-Kelly team went on to win the Pro-Am, then paired up for many years to come.
In 1951 Phil Harris, a longtime bandleader and Crosby crony, curled in a 90-foot putt on 17 to capture the Pro-Am title with partner Dutch Harrison. Never at a loss for words, the hard-partying Harris said, “Ain’t this a heckuva blow to clean living?”
Ben Hogan spent his last Crosby in 1956 paired with the Bing himself. The weather for Sunday’s finale was God awful, so Crosby invited Hogan to his house on 13 to warm up. The Hawk declined, completing the round with an 81.
The very next year, “Champagne” Tony Lema lost his footing on the cliff on 9 and fell eighteen feet to the sand below, acquiring several bruises and contusions. Thank God it was before YouTube or you would still be watching the video.
In 1977 Bing Crosby died the way every golfer should. On the afternoon of October 14, Bing was playing at the La Morajela golf course near Madrid, Spain. He finished 18 holes with a score of 85, and with a partner, defeated two Spanish golf pros. After his last putt, Bing bowed to applause and said, "It was a great game." He was about 20 yards from the clubhouse when he collapsed from a massive heart attack. He was 74.
After Bing’s death the Crosby family had an unfortunate falling-out with the Monterey Peninsula Association, the organization that actually owns the tournament, about the use of Bing’s name, or more accurately about the money for the use of Bing’s name, and from that time forward the tournament has been know as the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am. Sorry, Bing.
It may come as a surprise to you, but Pebble Beach is only 6,737 yards from the Championship tees. Par is 72 with a course rating of 74,4 and a slope of 142. The U.S. Open Championship has been played at Pebble Beach four times, most recently in the year 2000 for its 100th tournament. "The U.S. Open at Pebble Beach is always memorable," said the United States Golf Association's Craig Smith. "There are always tremendous finishing holes that add incredible drama. There's just a sense that you're seeing something great."
So, why then will Phil Mickelson be one of just five players from the world’s top 20 playing this week? I hope it is not because the tournament is played on three golf courses, or that the celebrity thing is too distracting, or that the weather is always bad.
Fame and fortune are fleeting things for both golfers and celebrities alike; just ask Jack Lemmon who simply wanted to play once on Sunday in the Tournament before he died. He never did.
Here’s a bit of unsolicited advice for PGA players: stay in touch with the history of the game. Embrace its tradition whenever possible. Now and then stop and smell the perennial ryegrass in fairways at the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am because the world just might not be there when you plan to return.
From its earliest days in 1947, the tournament has been known for three things: great golf, celebrities, and unpredictable weather. The rain and winds that often visit the tournament are as much a part of the championship's character as the competition they often interrupt.
However, no one expected the cause of the final round's delay in 1962: Snow. It was the first time in 40 years it had snowed on the Monterey Peninsula, prompting golf pro Jimmy Demeret to make the famous remark, "I know I got loaded last night, but how did I end up in Squaw Valley?”
Some of the more memorable happenings at the tournament include Sam Snead’s request for a new partner when Roger Kelly, an amateur and terrible drinker, got sick in the bushes beside the 1st tee. Snead demanded, but was denied, a new partner. The Snead-Kelly team went on to win the Pro-Am, then paired up for many years to come.
In 1951 Phil Harris, a longtime bandleader and Crosby crony, curled in a 90-foot putt on 17 to capture the Pro-Am title with partner Dutch Harrison. Never at a loss for words, the hard-partying Harris said, “Ain’t this a heckuva blow to clean living?”
Ben Hogan spent his last Crosby in 1956 paired with the Bing himself. The weather for Sunday’s finale was God awful, so Crosby invited Hogan to his house on 13 to warm up. The Hawk declined, completing the round with an 81.
The very next year, “Champagne” Tony Lema lost his footing on the cliff on 9 and fell eighteen feet to the sand below, acquiring several bruises and contusions. Thank God it was before YouTube or you would still be watching the video.
In 1977 Bing Crosby died the way every golfer should. On the afternoon of October 14, Bing was playing at the La Morajela golf course near Madrid, Spain. He finished 18 holes with a score of 85, and with a partner, defeated two Spanish golf pros. After his last putt, Bing bowed to applause and said, "It was a great game." He was about 20 yards from the clubhouse when he collapsed from a massive heart attack. He was 74.
After Bing’s death the Crosby family had an unfortunate falling-out with the Monterey Peninsula Association, the organization that actually owns the tournament, about the use of Bing’s name, or more accurately about the money for the use of Bing’s name, and from that time forward the tournament has been know as the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am. Sorry, Bing.
It may come as a surprise to you, but Pebble Beach is only 6,737 yards from the Championship tees. Par is 72 with a course rating of 74,4 and a slope of 142. The U.S. Open Championship has been played at Pebble Beach four times, most recently in the year 2000 for its 100th tournament. "The U.S. Open at Pebble Beach is always memorable," said the United States Golf Association's Craig Smith. "There are always tremendous finishing holes that add incredible drama. There's just a sense that you're seeing something great."
So, why then will Phil Mickelson be one of just five players from the world’s top 20 playing this week? I hope it is not because the tournament is played on three golf courses, or that the celebrity thing is too distracting, or that the weather is always bad.
Fame and fortune are fleeting things for both golfers and celebrities alike; just ask Jack Lemmon who simply wanted to play once on Sunday in the Tournament before he died. He never did.
Here’s a bit of unsolicited advice for PGA players: stay in touch with the history of the game. Embrace its tradition whenever possible. Now and then stop and smell the perennial ryegrass in fairways at the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am because the world just might not be there when you plan to return.
Set Your Goals High
It was interesting to hear Fred Funk talk about his 2008 goal being to win $2,000,000 on both the PGA and Champions Tours. Funk said, "I'm not playing enough to have a high-end goal on either Tour – such as the Ryder Cup, Schwab Cup, FedEx Cup – So I'll try to win $2 million on each Tour. Last year, I was $3,000 short of winning $1 million on both. I had a horrible year as far as my physical being. I'm hoping my health will be OK, and I can do something like that."
What's the golf world come to that winning $2,000,000 on both the PGA and Champions Tours is not a high-end goal? I like Fred Funk; I played a Pro-Am round with him and he seemed like a nice guy. However, let's be honest, Fred is about five foot nothing and ranked 184th in driving distance. To accomplish his less than high-end goal in 2008 he will have to win perhaps six or seven times on the Champions Tours and at least once or twice on the PGA Tour and that may not be enough.
To accomplish Funk's goal he'll also need to finish in the top ten just about every time he tees it up on the Champions Tour and in the top twenty most of the time on the PGA Tour. Of course he could always shortcut the process by winning all four majors on both the PGA Tour and the Champions Tour in 2008. Certainly this would be easier on his fifty-one year old back, but what would he do with the rest of his time?
Goals are almost always a good thing to have, and I understand that Fred was only about halfway serious about the $2,000,000, but inadvertently he may have created the "Senior Slam" the ultimate test of both golfer and bladder-control. However, I believe that Fred is thinking too small. He needs to be thinking silver as in trophy not Centrum.
What would it take to win a major championship on both Tours in the same year?
First, and perhaps the most difficult, you have to live at least fifty years, and trust me, it's not as easy as it sounds. Then, with Lipitor in hand, you need to be a great golfer -- not just a good golfer but a great one. You need to stay healthy and that's not easy either. No bad backs, knees or anything else. And finally, you also have to be incredibly lucky and to date no one has been that lucky.
Jack Nicklaus came the closest winning the Masters at forty-eight, but it was impossible to hold on to the magic for two more years, even for the great Golden Bear.
Tiger is the obvious choice, if he chooses to hang around that long. But for some reason I see him riding off into the sunset once he believes he has put the bar high enough, and he may do that before he turns forty.
John Daly might have the length as a senior but his liver and lungs will have retired long before he is eligible. Fifty-something Tom Watson has already missed his chance and Jay Haas' and Loren Roberts' opportunities are fading fast.
Perhaps the plump Argentinean Angel Cabrera, last year's U.S. Open Champion, has a shot, but he'll have to stop smoking and push back from the buffet and that may be too much to ask… for any of us.
Jim Furyk? No way. After fifty years that loop in his backswing will become a figure eight and vertebrae will be flying all over the place. How about Ben, Ben and Glen? Nope, Ben Crane, Ben Curtis and Glen Day would all be disqualified for slow play. Perhaps David Duval will have figured it out by fifty (hope springs eternal). And Tommy Gainey might have had a chance but he went broke buying golf gloves.
How about the inscrutable Retief Goosen? Not a chance. Retief has so little emotion that I suspect he will be mistaken for dead before he ever reaches fifty. Keep moving Retief or someone might throw dirt on you.
So who is left? Mickelson, perhaps; Ernie Els, bad knee; Vijay hurt himself swinging that goofy stick; Joe Ogilvie if he can stay away from the fashion police. Frankly, it doesn't look good.
Perhaps the world's greatest golfer is only five years old, or maybe he's not even born yet. He could be Irish, or African, or the Mexican kid down the street. What if the world's greatest golfer turns out to be a she? It could happen.
My greatest fear is that the world's greatest golfer turns out to be a kid in Afghanistan, or Israel, Iran, Iraqi, or on some mean streets in Dallas and we never get to see him or her play because we didn't care enough to make the world a better place to live and play in.
Wouldn't that be a crying shame?
What's the golf world come to that winning $2,000,000 on both the PGA and Champions Tours is not a high-end goal? I like Fred Funk; I played a Pro-Am round with him and he seemed like a nice guy. However, let's be honest, Fred is about five foot nothing and ranked 184th in driving distance. To accomplish his less than high-end goal in 2008 he will have to win perhaps six or seven times on the Champions Tours and at least once or twice on the PGA Tour and that may not be enough.
To accomplish Funk's goal he'll also need to finish in the top ten just about every time he tees it up on the Champions Tour and in the top twenty most of the time on the PGA Tour. Of course he could always shortcut the process by winning all four majors on both the PGA Tour and the Champions Tour in 2008. Certainly this would be easier on his fifty-one year old back, but what would he do with the rest of his time?
Goals are almost always a good thing to have, and I understand that Fred was only about halfway serious about the $2,000,000, but inadvertently he may have created the "Senior Slam" the ultimate test of both golfer and bladder-control. However, I believe that Fred is thinking too small. He needs to be thinking silver as in trophy not Centrum.
What would it take to win a major championship on both Tours in the same year?
First, and perhaps the most difficult, you have to live at least fifty years, and trust me, it's not as easy as it sounds. Then, with Lipitor in hand, you need to be a great golfer -- not just a good golfer but a great one. You need to stay healthy and that's not easy either. No bad backs, knees or anything else. And finally, you also have to be incredibly lucky and to date no one has been that lucky.
Jack Nicklaus came the closest winning the Masters at forty-eight, but it was impossible to hold on to the magic for two more years, even for the great Golden Bear.
Tiger is the obvious choice, if he chooses to hang around that long. But for some reason I see him riding off into the sunset once he believes he has put the bar high enough, and he may do that before he turns forty.
John Daly might have the length as a senior but his liver and lungs will have retired long before he is eligible. Fifty-something Tom Watson has already missed his chance and Jay Haas' and Loren Roberts' opportunities are fading fast.
Perhaps the plump Argentinean Angel Cabrera, last year's U.S. Open Champion, has a shot, but he'll have to stop smoking and push back from the buffet and that may be too much to ask… for any of us.
Jim Furyk? No way. After fifty years that loop in his backswing will become a figure eight and vertebrae will be flying all over the place. How about Ben, Ben and Glen? Nope, Ben Crane, Ben Curtis and Glen Day would all be disqualified for slow play. Perhaps David Duval will have figured it out by fifty (hope springs eternal). And Tommy Gainey might have had a chance but he went broke buying golf gloves.
How about the inscrutable Retief Goosen? Not a chance. Retief has so little emotion that I suspect he will be mistaken for dead before he ever reaches fifty. Keep moving Retief or someone might throw dirt on you.
So who is left? Mickelson, perhaps; Ernie Els, bad knee; Vijay hurt himself swinging that goofy stick; Joe Ogilvie if he can stay away from the fashion police. Frankly, it doesn't look good.
Perhaps the world's greatest golfer is only five years old, or maybe he's not even born yet. He could be Irish, or African, or the Mexican kid down the street. What if the world's greatest golfer turns out to be a she? It could happen.
My greatest fear is that the world's greatest golfer turns out to be a kid in Afghanistan, or Israel, Iran, Iraqi, or on some mean streets in Dallas and we never get to see him or her play because we didn't care enough to make the world a better place to live and play in.
Wouldn't that be a crying shame?
House Cleaning After The PGA Show
I have attended the last ten PGA Merchandise Shows and the one constant is the number of goofy products introduced each year. Perhaps the strangest was the fake putter that was actually a portable urinal. I think I wrote about that last year. The good news is that Pee-Putter was long gone in 2008.
I don't think I saw anything to top the Pee-Putter; however, there was some fun stuff at this year's show like Big Mouth Golf from the guys that make the really loud golf clothes. Imagine a 1970s Johnny Miller on LSD and you get the idea. Here's a link to the video I shot at the show.
I also saw our friends at AboutGolf, the simulator folks who were introducing a new wrap around screen version of their simulator. The simulation was so realistic I lost my ball.
Our main-man Randy Smith, hardly recognizable in a suit and tie, was working with the good folks at Nike. I purchased a cool Nike wind shirt with my "I know Randy Smith discount" and it was only 10% over retail.
I tried desperately to get a video interview with Jim Furyk but the PR guys at Srixon gave me the Heisman. Later that day I was on my way to the hotel and who should appear right in front of me without nary a Srixon guy in sight but Jim Furyk. As luck would have it I had left my camera back inside the convention center. I asked Jim if he would mind waiting ten or fifteen minutes while I ran back inside to get my camera. He looked at me kind of funny, laughed and said "Sure I got nothing else to do," but when I returned he was gone.
That story is not all together true. I actually knew Jim was kidding me so I never went back. Wouldn't it be ironic if Jim was still out there waiting on me?
One of the big stories at the show was the now legal changeable shafts. There was a packed house at the PGA forum as the OEMs talked about their own particular models. TaylorMade's r7 CGB MAX Limited kit comes in a designer box and includes a newly-developed titanium clubhead with three movable weight ports; three shafts, with different launch properties; two shaft-securing bolts; one 40 inch-pound torque wrench; nine movable weights and one headcover. Although no one volunteered the price, I'm guessing $1,500 for the set. Gulp.
Callaway introduced I-Mix Technology, which also allows players to customize their driver through the use of interchangeable heads and shafts. If, for example, it's a windy day, a golfer now will be able to change to a lower-lofted head to minimize the effects of the gusts, or if it's a cold day, the user can change to a shaft better suited to the weather.
One question that all parties avoided like the plague had to do with creating a standard shaft fitting so any shaft would fit on any head. For now, everyone is going their own way hoping to become the standard. So much for helping out you and I.
There were also some other really good new products like the TOMI, a computer aided putter laser contraption that displayed all kinds of cool stuff about your putting stroke. The TOMI even lets you compare your stroke to all the great putters in the world. I tested the product and the information about the position of the clubface and acceleration before and after impact was remarkable. I also found out that the only thing that Tiger Woods and I have in common when we are putting is… actually the TOMI proved beyond question that we have nothing in common, but how hard was that to predict?
I also like the Easy Swing tempo trainer from our friends at United Sports Technologies. Like most good ideas it's really simple. Imagine a golf club with a shaft that bends like a fishing rod. The idea is to train yourself to have smooth club acceleration. If you jerk down hard from the top the Easy Swing will end up about a foot behind your hands and the ball will end up somewhere right of East Texas. Think of it as a one-piece Medicus, that you don't have to lay it off to find your tempo.
I also spent some time with long time friend and long drive champion Pat Dempsey. He is still trying to get me to make a bigger turn and I'm still trying to get my spine back in line.
I don't think I saw anything to top the Pee-Putter; however, there was some fun stuff at this year's show like Big Mouth Golf from the guys that make the really loud golf clothes. Imagine a 1970s Johnny Miller on LSD and you get the idea. Here's a link to the video I shot at the show.
I also saw our friends at AboutGolf, the simulator folks who were introducing a new wrap around screen version of their simulator. The simulation was so realistic I lost my ball.
Our main-man Randy Smith, hardly recognizable in a suit and tie, was working with the good folks at Nike. I purchased a cool Nike wind shirt with my "I know Randy Smith discount" and it was only 10% over retail.
I tried desperately to get a video interview with Jim Furyk but the PR guys at Srixon gave me the Heisman. Later that day I was on my way to the hotel and who should appear right in front of me without nary a Srixon guy in sight but Jim Furyk. As luck would have it I had left my camera back inside the convention center. I asked Jim if he would mind waiting ten or fifteen minutes while I ran back inside to get my camera. He looked at me kind of funny, laughed and said "Sure I got nothing else to do," but when I returned he was gone.
That story is not all together true. I actually knew Jim was kidding me so I never went back. Wouldn't it be ironic if Jim was still out there waiting on me?
One of the big stories at the show was the now legal changeable shafts. There was a packed house at the PGA forum as the OEMs talked about their own particular models. TaylorMade's r7 CGB MAX Limited kit comes in a designer box and includes a newly-developed titanium clubhead with three movable weight ports; three shafts, with different launch properties; two shaft-securing bolts; one 40 inch-pound torque wrench; nine movable weights and one headcover. Although no one volunteered the price, I'm guessing $1,500 for the set. Gulp.
Callaway introduced I-Mix Technology, which also allows players to customize their driver through the use of interchangeable heads and shafts. If, for example, it's a windy day, a golfer now will be able to change to a lower-lofted head to minimize the effects of the gusts, or if it's a cold day, the user can change to a shaft better suited to the weather.
One question that all parties avoided like the plague had to do with creating a standard shaft fitting so any shaft would fit on any head. For now, everyone is going their own way hoping to become the standard. So much for helping out you and I.
There were also some other really good new products like the TOMI, a computer aided putter laser contraption that displayed all kinds of cool stuff about your putting stroke. The TOMI even lets you compare your stroke to all the great putters in the world. I tested the product and the information about the position of the clubface and acceleration before and after impact was remarkable. I also found out that the only thing that Tiger Woods and I have in common when we are putting is… actually the TOMI proved beyond question that we have nothing in common, but how hard was that to predict?
I also like the Easy Swing tempo trainer from our friends at United Sports Technologies. Like most good ideas it's really simple. Imagine a golf club with a shaft that bends like a fishing rod. The idea is to train yourself to have smooth club acceleration. If you jerk down hard from the top the Easy Swing will end up about a foot behind your hands and the ball will end up somewhere right of East Texas. Think of it as a one-piece Medicus, that you don't have to lay it off to find your tempo.
I also spent some time with long time friend and long drive champion Pat Dempsey. He is still trying to get me to make a bigger turn and I'm still trying to get my spine back in line.
When The Good Wind Blows
I hate the wind. I hate the cold wind worse than the warm wind, but from my perspective playing golf in a twenty mile an hour wind, hot or cold, is harder than Chinese arithmetic. Standing on the tee box with a twenty-mile an hour wind blowing in your face is difficult for Tiger Woods, so you can imagine how disheartening it is for someone like me.
It’s embarrassing to hit the ball up in the air and have to call for a fair catch. Tee it low they say. Well, if I teed it any lower I’d have to dig a hole, which I have done from time to time.
A cross wind is no bargain either. Somehow the wind is always blowing opposite to the dogleg. Make hay on the down wind holes you say, but did you ever notice how few downwind holes there are when you really need them? I once played a round when a front came through just as we made the turn, making every hole into the wind. By the end of the round I was ready to take up ultimate cage fighting.
Putting in the wind is not a lot of fun either. Let’s just say, when youre putting stroke has as many moving parts as mine, and the wind starts blowing me around, I couldn’t roll a softball into the Grand Canyon. How do you keep a putt low anyway?
You would think a guy from Texas would learn how to play in the wind, but I haven’t. It whistles by my ears and into my head. Even on those bonus downwind holes I try so hard that I over swing and screw up even that opportunity.
I also hate the way my legs and other things look in the wind; you know how your pants cling to you in funny ways.
And what about my hair? You can see from my picture that I’m not a slick down sort of guy, but that doesn’t help. Keep it causal I always say, but when the wind is blowing so hard that your eyebrows are standing at attention, there is no way the hair on your head survives even with a hat. Hat hair is bad; swirling, grease-ball, bed-head hair is even worst. Imagine what it does to a comb-over?
When it’s cold the wind also makes my nose run and when it’s hot the wind blows hay fever from hell up my nose, so there is no way to win. And although I have no scientific proof I can quote, I swear playing in the wind makes me more tired. Perhaps it is leaning against the wind, or hunching up my shoulders when the wind is cold; whatever the case may be, at the end of a windblown round I feel like someone beat me up.
Why don’t you quit, or at the very least stop playing in the wind, I hear you saying, and frankly I have considered such drastic measures, but that was before the great day. On that great day the wind was blowing a steady twenty-five miles an hour gusting to thirty-five when I caught my last drive of the day on the screws. With three witnesses I stepped it off at 335 yards. Then with a mere 190 yards to the green I hit my trusty hybrid to within three feet of the hole and one putted for a natural eagle on the par five eighteenth.
Needless to say there was a bet and a press, which I won going away. Since that day I have lost more bets than I have won. I have had more bogeys than pars, no birdies and nothing close to an eagle.
But I know there is another one out there, isn’t there?
It’s embarrassing to hit the ball up in the air and have to call for a fair catch. Tee it low they say. Well, if I teed it any lower I’d have to dig a hole, which I have done from time to time.
A cross wind is no bargain either. Somehow the wind is always blowing opposite to the dogleg. Make hay on the down wind holes you say, but did you ever notice how few downwind holes there are when you really need them? I once played a round when a front came through just as we made the turn, making every hole into the wind. By the end of the round I was ready to take up ultimate cage fighting.
Putting in the wind is not a lot of fun either. Let’s just say, when youre putting stroke has as many moving parts as mine, and the wind starts blowing me around, I couldn’t roll a softball into the Grand Canyon. How do you keep a putt low anyway?
You would think a guy from Texas would learn how to play in the wind, but I haven’t. It whistles by my ears and into my head. Even on those bonus downwind holes I try so hard that I over swing and screw up even that opportunity.
I also hate the way my legs and other things look in the wind; you know how your pants cling to you in funny ways.
And what about my hair? You can see from my picture that I’m not a slick down sort of guy, but that doesn’t help. Keep it causal I always say, but when the wind is blowing so hard that your eyebrows are standing at attention, there is no way the hair on your head survives even with a hat. Hat hair is bad; swirling, grease-ball, bed-head hair is even worst. Imagine what it does to a comb-over?
When it’s cold the wind also makes my nose run and when it’s hot the wind blows hay fever from hell up my nose, so there is no way to win. And although I have no scientific proof I can quote, I swear playing in the wind makes me more tired. Perhaps it is leaning against the wind, or hunching up my shoulders when the wind is cold; whatever the case may be, at the end of a windblown round I feel like someone beat me up.
Why don’t you quit, or at the very least stop playing in the wind, I hear you saying, and frankly I have considered such drastic measures, but that was before the great day. On that great day the wind was blowing a steady twenty-five miles an hour gusting to thirty-five when I caught my last drive of the day on the screws. With three witnesses I stepped it off at 335 yards. Then with a mere 190 yards to the green I hit my trusty hybrid to within three feet of the hole and one putted for a natural eagle on the par five eighteenth.
Needless to say there was a bet and a press, which I won going away. Since that day I have lost more bets than I have won. I have had more bogeys than pars, no birdies and nothing close to an eagle.
But I know there is another one out there, isn’t there?
Winter Rules of The Great Game
I’m lucky, I happen to live in a place that allows me to play golf perhaps 11 months a year, and between Christmas and the new year I was able to squeeze in a couple of rounds. At my 10 A.M. tee time on the first day the temperature was 45 degrees, however by noon it was up to the lower sixties. The sun was shining and the wind was light and all was right in the universe. I would have shot a seventy-five had the course been fifteen holes long.
My second round on day number two didn’t start that well. At our 9:00 A.M. breakfast the temperature was around 38 degrees. Although the sun was shining the wind was biting at perhaps fifteen miles an hour and there was some question as to whether or not we were going to tee it up.
By the time we reached the practice range at about 10:15 A.M. the temperature had jumped up above forty and with the sun shining; it looked deceptively warm, however it was not. As the wind whistled around my ears I could see the restaurant at the club not more than 100 yards away. I thought about the second serving of hotcakes that was no more than a sand wedge behind me and wondered if I would look like a wimp or a genius sitting in the clubhouse sipping another cup of hot coffee.
At 10:45 A.M. I teed it up and hit a reasonably good drive into the wind. It was at that point that I remembered some of the cold weather tips I had read over the years. Obviously, hitting the ball into the wind shortens your drive and if you hit the ball really high you’re in even more trouble. But did you know that a crosswind also shortens your drive as well? Take one more club when the wind is either left to right or right to left. If the wind is behind you go ahead and let it fly, but remember not to over swing like me.
Those big swings I take trying to ride a tailwind have got me into more trouble more times than I can remember.
I also remember reading that the temperature effects your distance and that it is a good idea to add a club when the temperature starts to drop. If you normally hit a five iron 175 yards when the temperature is 80 degrees, at sixty degrees that same swing will may get you only 165 yards. That tip may come in handy unless the water hazard is frozen solid and in that case nothing will help you because you’ve lost your mind if you are still playing.
If, in addition to the cold weather, you also have to deal with wet conditions, you win my “Are You Kidding Me” award. And, while the mud is flying everywhere it is helpful to know that when the moisture gets on the face of your irons the shots won't spin much. Your shots won't fly as high, or check as much on the greens, either.
Warm clothes are another cold weather hazard. For example, if your arms won’t hang down to your side you may need to rethink your wardrobe. If your corduroy pants sound like a zipper factory when you swing you may need to rethink that decision as well. It is also important to understand if your fat belly is completely hidden by the six sweaters you are wearing you may not be able to make that big turn that you haven’t made in the last ten years.
Finally, if at the top of your backswing your swing thoughts are about the pancakes you could be eating you’re my kind of golfer.
Stay warm if you can, pass the butter if you please, but never and I mean never stop playing... never.
My second round on day number two didn’t start that well. At our 9:00 A.M. breakfast the temperature was around 38 degrees. Although the sun was shining the wind was biting at perhaps fifteen miles an hour and there was some question as to whether or not we were going to tee it up.
By the time we reached the practice range at about 10:15 A.M. the temperature had jumped up above forty and with the sun shining; it looked deceptively warm, however it was not. As the wind whistled around my ears I could see the restaurant at the club not more than 100 yards away. I thought about the second serving of hotcakes that was no more than a sand wedge behind me and wondered if I would look like a wimp or a genius sitting in the clubhouse sipping another cup of hot coffee.
At 10:45 A.M. I teed it up and hit a reasonably good drive into the wind. It was at that point that I remembered some of the cold weather tips I had read over the years. Obviously, hitting the ball into the wind shortens your drive and if you hit the ball really high you’re in even more trouble. But did you know that a crosswind also shortens your drive as well? Take one more club when the wind is either left to right or right to left. If the wind is behind you go ahead and let it fly, but remember not to over swing like me.
Those big swings I take trying to ride a tailwind have got me into more trouble more times than I can remember.
I also remember reading that the temperature effects your distance and that it is a good idea to add a club when the temperature starts to drop. If you normally hit a five iron 175 yards when the temperature is 80 degrees, at sixty degrees that same swing will may get you only 165 yards. That tip may come in handy unless the water hazard is frozen solid and in that case nothing will help you because you’ve lost your mind if you are still playing.
If, in addition to the cold weather, you also have to deal with wet conditions, you win my “Are You Kidding Me” award. And, while the mud is flying everywhere it is helpful to know that when the moisture gets on the face of your irons the shots won't spin much. Your shots won't fly as high, or check as much on the greens, either.
Warm clothes are another cold weather hazard. For example, if your arms won’t hang down to your side you may need to rethink your wardrobe. If your corduroy pants sound like a zipper factory when you swing you may need to rethink that decision as well. It is also important to understand if your fat belly is completely hidden by the six sweaters you are wearing you may not be able to make that big turn that you haven’t made in the last ten years.
Finally, if at the top of your backswing your swing thoughts are about the pancakes you could be eating you’re my kind of golfer.
Stay warm if you can, pass the butter if you please, but never and I mean never stop playing... never.
The New Year's Resolutions Of A Bad Golfer
I suppose I should start by resolving to become a better golfer in 2008, but at my age that seems like a bit of a waste of a resolution. I used to have a regular game with a retired chef by the name of Eddie Andrews who could barely hit the ball 200 yards. What Eddie lacked in power he made up for in finesse. While the rest of us were gripping and ripping and missing the fairways, steady Eddie would ease it right down the middle. A chip and a putt later, he would win the hole and the money.
You would think that after hooking more balls than I can count into the woods swinging for the fence, I would eventually understand that I am not a long-ball hitter, even on a good day.
Where is my Dave Pelz videotape?
So, the smart thing to do in 2008 would be to concentrate on pitching and putting. Let the flat-bellies swing for the fences. I'll keep it in play and pound on you with my short game. I'll re-shaft my clubs with A-flexes and slow down my swing. I'll remove my cleats to help me stay light on my feet and not be tempted to dig in and rip it. I'll practice my chipping until I can stop the ball on the downwind edge of a glass coffee table. I'll practice putting until the hole looks as big as a hubcap from a '57 Chevy.
Gosh, that sounds like a lot of work. Maybe I'll only swing hard on the par fives and the long par fours, or if it is downwind and I can get some extra carry, or into the wind when I really need more distance, or up hill, or...
Hey, I think I can swing hard and still learn to chip and putt better. Come to think of it, the further I hit the ball the easer the chip will be; and the easer the chip the closer the putt; and the closer the putt the easier the putt.
This really is an easy game.
And since this is such an easy game, my New Year's resolution is that all of us work less and play golf more. Let's resolve to play every week and three days in a row at least four times in 2008. Let's also resolve to practice now and then and warm-up before every round in 2008. No more cold shafting it. Yeah, that's a bit like work, but we should give it a try don't you think?
How about we all go with the flow a bit more in 2008, as well. As they say in New Orleans, Laissez le bon roulement de périodes, or let the good times roll and all that stuff. Stop and smell fairways and enjoy life more than we did in 2008.
We should also resolve to laugh more in 2008. God knows there are a million reasons to frown: the war, the price of gas and everything else. Still, we should take every opportunity to laugh when possible, especially on the golf course.
Finally, I hope you miss-hit all of your miss-reads into the hole. I hope you get a member's bounce every time you swing. But above all, take care of yourself, your family and your friends. And stay safe because I need all the readers I can get.
You would think that after hooking more balls than I can count into the woods swinging for the fence, I would eventually understand that I am not a long-ball hitter, even on a good day.
Where is my Dave Pelz videotape?
So, the smart thing to do in 2008 would be to concentrate on pitching and putting. Let the flat-bellies swing for the fences. I'll keep it in play and pound on you with my short game. I'll re-shaft my clubs with A-flexes and slow down my swing. I'll remove my cleats to help me stay light on my feet and not be tempted to dig in and rip it. I'll practice my chipping until I can stop the ball on the downwind edge of a glass coffee table. I'll practice putting until the hole looks as big as a hubcap from a '57 Chevy.
Gosh, that sounds like a lot of work. Maybe I'll only swing hard on the par fives and the long par fours, or if it is downwind and I can get some extra carry, or into the wind when I really need more distance, or up hill, or...
Hey, I think I can swing hard and still learn to chip and putt better. Come to think of it, the further I hit the ball the easer the chip will be; and the easer the chip the closer the putt; and the closer the putt the easier the putt.
This really is an easy game.
And since this is such an easy game, my New Year's resolution is that all of us work less and play golf more. Let's resolve to play every week and three days in a row at least four times in 2008. Let's also resolve to practice now and then and warm-up before every round in 2008. No more cold shafting it. Yeah, that's a bit like work, but we should give it a try don't you think?
How about we all go with the flow a bit more in 2008, as well. As they say in New Orleans, Laissez le bon roulement de périodes, or let the good times roll and all that stuff. Stop and smell fairways and enjoy life more than we did in 2008.
We should also resolve to laugh more in 2008. God knows there are a million reasons to frown: the war, the price of gas and everything else. Still, we should take every opportunity to laugh when possible, especially on the golf course.
Finally, I hope you miss-hit all of your miss-reads into the hole. I hope you get a member's bounce every time you swing. But above all, take care of yourself, your family and your friends. And stay safe because I need all the readers I can get.
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