The New Year's Resolutions Of A Bad Golfer

I suppose I should start by resolving to become a better golfer in 2008, but at my age that seems like a bit of a waste of a resolution. I used to have a regular game with a retired chef by the name of Eddie Andrews who could barely hit the ball 200 yards. What Eddie lacked in power he made up for in finesse. While the rest of us were gripping and ripping and missing the fairways, steady Eddie would ease it right down the middle. A chip and a putt later, he would win the hole and the money.

You would think that after hooking more balls than I can count into the woods swinging for the fence, I would eventually understand that I am not a long-ball hitter, even on a good day.

Where is my Dave Pelz videotape?

So, the smart thing to do in 2008 would be to concentrate on pitching and putting. Let the flat-bellies swing for the fences. I'll keep it in play and pound on you with my short game. I'll re-shaft my clubs with A-flexes and slow down my swing. I'll remove my cleats to help me stay light on my feet and not be tempted to dig in and rip it. I'll practice my chipping until I can stop the ball on the downwind edge of a glass coffee table. I'll practice putting until the hole looks as big as a hubcap from a '57 Chevy.

Gosh, that sounds like a lot of work. Maybe I'll only swing hard on the par fives and the long par fours, or if it is downwind and I can get some extra carry, or into the wind when I really need more distance, or up hill, or...

Hey, I think I can swing hard and still learn to chip and putt better. Come to think of it, the further I hit the ball the easer the chip will be; and the easer the chip the closer the putt; and the closer the putt the easier the putt.

This really is an easy game.

And since this is such an easy game, my New Year's resolution is that all of us work less and play golf more. Let's resolve to play every week and three days in a row at least four times in 2008. Let's also resolve to practice now and then and warm-up before every round in 2008. No more cold shafting it. Yeah, that's a bit like work, but we should give it a try don't you think?

How about we all go with the flow a bit more in 2008, as well. As they say in New Orleans, Laissez le bon roulement de périodes, or let the good times roll and all that stuff. Stop and smell fairways and enjoy life more than we did in 2008.

We should also resolve to laugh more in 2008. God knows there are a million reasons to frown: the war, the price of gas and everything else. Still, we should take every opportunity to laugh when possible, especially on the golf course.

Finally, I hope you miss-hit all of your miss-reads into the hole. I hope you get a member's bounce every time you swing. But above all, take care of yourself, your family and your friends. And stay safe because I need all the readers I can get.