Set Your Goals High

It was interesting to hear Fred Funk talk about his 2008 goal being to win $2,000,000 on both the PGA and Champions Tours. Funk said, "I'm not playing enough to have a high-end goal on either Tour – such as the Ryder Cup, Schwab Cup, FedEx Cup – So I'll try to win $2 million on each Tour. Last year, I was $3,000 short of winning $1 million on both. I had a horrible year as far as my physical being. I'm hoping my health will be OK, and I can do something like that."

What's the golf world come to that winning $2,000,000 on both the PGA and Champions Tours is not a high-end goal? I like Fred Funk; I played a Pro-Am round with him and he seemed like a nice guy. However, let's be honest, Fred is about five foot nothing and ranked 184th in driving distance. To accomplish his less than high-end goal in 2008 he will have to win perhaps six or seven times on the Champions Tours and at least once or twice on the PGA Tour and that may not be enough.

To accomplish Funk's goal he'll also need to finish in the top ten just about every time he tees it up on the Champions Tour and in the top twenty most of the time on the PGA Tour. Of course he could always shortcut the process by winning all four majors on both the PGA Tour and the Champions Tour in 2008. Certainly this would be easier on his fifty-one year old back, but what would he do with the rest of his time?

Goals are almost always a good thing to have, and I understand that Fred was only about halfway serious about the $2,000,000, but inadvertently he may have created the "Senior Slam" the ultimate test of both golfer and bladder-control. However, I believe that Fred is thinking too small. He needs to be thinking silver as in trophy not Centrum.

What would it take to win a major championship on both Tours in the same year?

First, and perhaps the most difficult, you have to live at least fifty years, and trust me, it's not as easy as it sounds. Then, with Lipitor in hand, you need to be a great golfer -- not just a good golfer but a great one. You need to stay healthy and that's not easy either. No bad backs, knees or anything else. And finally, you also have to be incredibly lucky and to date no one has been that lucky.

Jack Nicklaus came the closest winning the Masters at forty-eight, but it was impossible to hold on to the magic for two more years, even for the great Golden Bear.

Tiger is the obvious choice, if he chooses to hang around that long. But for some reason I see him riding off into the sunset once he believes he has put the bar high enough, and he may do that before he turns forty.

John Daly might have the length as a senior but his liver and lungs will have retired long before he is eligible. Fifty-something Tom Watson has already missed his chance and Jay Haas' and Loren Roberts' opportunities are fading fast.

Perhaps the plump Argentinean Angel Cabrera, last year's U.S. Open Champion, has a shot, but he'll have to stop smoking and push back from the buffet and that may be too much to ask… for any of us.

Jim Furyk? No way. After fifty years that loop in his backswing will become a figure eight and vertebrae will be flying all over the place. How about Ben, Ben and Glen? Nope, Ben Crane, Ben Curtis and Glen Day would all be disqualified for slow play. Perhaps David Duval will have figured it out by fifty (hope springs eternal). And Tommy Gainey might have had a chance but he went broke buying golf gloves.

How about the inscrutable Retief Goosen? Not a chance. Retief has so little emotion that I suspect he will be mistaken for dead before he ever reaches fifty. Keep moving Retief or someone might throw dirt on you.

So who is left? Mickelson, perhaps; Ernie Els, bad knee; Vijay hurt himself swinging that goofy stick; Joe Ogilvie if he can stay away from the fashion police. Frankly, it doesn't look good.

Perhaps the world's greatest golfer is only five years old, or maybe he's not even born yet. He could be Irish, or African, or the Mexican kid down the street. What if the world's greatest golfer turns out to be a she? It could happen.

My greatest fear is that the world's greatest golfer turns out to be a kid in Afghanistan, or Israel, Iran, Iraqi, or on some mean streets in Dallas and we never get to see him or her play because we didn't care enough to make the world a better place to live and play in.

Wouldn't that be a crying shame?